Romantic love gives us strong and warm feelings, but also a pain. This is because we are emotionally vulnerable because we expose our heart and ego to the partner. Love does not always go along with the plan, which can result in sorrow, anger, indignation, and guilt. We often repeat old conversations and scenes with a former lover or family members, in the desire for a new and different outcome. Termination requires the processing of emotions and events. In such situations, it is important that negative feelings are expressed in a healthy way. Try writing letters to a former partner, but do not send them. They serve to clean up the backdrop of thoughts and feelings.

Anger is the most recognizable and worst emotion when the relationship ends. Keep in mind that there is a feeling of pain, fear, sorrow, and shame underneath the anger. Once anger has passed, there is a sadness. The feeling of regret should also be processed, so there is no hope that the partner will come back magically.

Unfortunately, most of us skip parts or even the whole process of regret. They are hurt and want to feel better, and they quickly enter new relationships. The past is not easy to avoid. One day a new lover appears, incredibly similar to the former, causing a chain of emotional reactions. Although the new partner is different, the feelings are the same and the reactions are positive.

Imagine the following scenario: Ana’s father was an alcoholic. Her former husband, Tom, also often came home drunk. This led to many sleepless nights and usually ended in a fight, after which Tom soon fell asleep. The next day Tom would defend himself, and anger would escalate on both sides until the end of marriage. Now Ana is with Mark who rarely drinks in small quantities. One evening, Mark had met a business associate at dinner, drank a glass more than he usually does and went to Ana. She felt a strong scent of alcohol and immediately panicked, angry that Mark would behave like Tom and that relationship would not survive. Though she knows this relationship is different, her subconscious has recognized the trigger and overwhelmed her with feelings from the past. If she fails to control the emotions, the relationship with Mark will be condemned to failure.

Refuse to be a victim of emotional ghosts that persecute you

There is nothing wrong with wanting to avoid facing emotional pain from the past. Avoiding it may seem right, but you have to face the past so you can go ahead. Make sure you do not pull emotional luggage. Below we provide three tips to help you achieve future relationships.

Recognize your emotional demons

This is not about blaming a parent or friend. Regardless of the range of dysfunctional behaviors and forms you have been exposed to, you must remember that only you can control your own condition. You are unique in this and no one can help you. If you’re taking the blame on others, you will feel like victims.

Accept responsibility for what happened

You need to be aware that you have let yourself be the prey for negative ideas and poisonous thoughts. Take control. All we can move forward and grow. Former relationships may have been a failure, but that does not mean that you have no future with your current partner. Just because you were rejected as a teenager does not mean that you cannot find acceptance and love in the future.

Notice the difference between yourself and those who hurt you

Love your quality and your own values. Is your mother angry and bitter? Recall that she is angry because her father died, in childhood, they had financial difficulties, had to take care of seven brothers and sisters … Your life is different. You are different.